So Heavenly Minded, No Earthly Good

I'm trying to find a balance between being "So Heavenly Minded" while still being "Earthly Good". This title refers to a saying throughout the Christian church that addresses a person who lives their whole life waiting to go to heaven but has not put forth any effort to contribute this earth/life/society.

I was reading an excerpt from one of my psychology text about a soldier and the gruesome things he had seen, especially in his first weeks in combat. He suffered from nightmares and during combat he was unable to control his bodily release functions. I wonder how he is expected to come back home and be able to stabilize into normal society. As we know or can assume, sometimes veterans have a difficult time readjusting to their home society. They develop psychological disorders and who can blame them! I was thinking that they would have to lessen their value for human life to be able to cope with seeing their comrades' head blown off, etc. But if they reduced their value of life-what the hell would they really be fighting for?

This got me to thinking about figuring out a balance between "not getting all bent out of shape because of death" and still having a purpose that acknowledges "the priceless and precious beauty of everyone's life".

This led me to looking forward to heaven but caring enough about others so that they could experience a piece of heaven here on earth-at least until they got to go upwards. Hopefully, each person who experienced a piece of heaven could do their best to help someone have that same experience. Layman's terms...I'm not sure but I think getting a piece of heaven on earth is about enjoying God's creation as close to intended as possible.

Now, with the whole fall of man and death and hell stuff-earth hasn't been as great as God intended, hence the whole "looking forward to heaven" thing. OK. We still need something to do in the meantime. Religion and faith is such a big deal because we are trying to make sure we are doing the right things to secure our afterlives. Now, as a Christian, I'm confident that my "heavenly" afterlife is on lock. What else should I be doing down here? If I just focused on "going to heaven" them I feel that I would start to lead a very boring and selfish life. That's lame and with all the drama we go through-that mindset could make someone suicidal. You get what I'm saying?

That brings me back to enjoying earth down here, as much as possible and as safely as possible as to preserve our mental and physical health so that we can help others enjoy/find heaven-down here and up there. BTW::::I don't condone reckless behavior as a way of "living life to the fullest. Doing 145mph on the West Side highway in a rented BMW after done-ing off a bottle of Ciroc from your man's 29th birthday bashment is not living life to the fullest-it's endangering countless others and could change many families lives in the unfortunate event that you crash/kill someone. Just wanted to clarify my take on "life to the fullest". Partying responsibly and/or any other enjoyment that doesn't selfishly put you at risk is dope.::::

I now understand why others fought for civil rights, why troops still enlist in the military and martyrs die for their faith. They all must have had some form of heavenly mindedness, even if it wasn't my idea of heaven. They were willing to sacrifice their life to help others enjoy this life as close to perfect as possible. It must have been to help others experience the love they felt in their being, which resonated from a higher calling or sense of peace. (What about terrorist? They must have received a much lower calling...unfortunately.)

There is much to be said about valuing life so greatly without not being too afraid of dying to help others experience the greatness that you know is possible.

...Rejoice in their Failures

Why do we rejoice in other people's failures? Why do we "sometimes" find joy in other people's demise? Some would just call this hateration, my family would say "Bad Mind" and so on and so forth.

The process:

1. Observe unfavored individual's situation
2. Analyze it
3. Relate it to ourselves
4. Choose to happily think condemning thoughts

Step 3 says a lot about our reaction found in step 4. Let's consider the process for reacting to someone's well fortune.

1. Observe unfavored individual's situation
2. Analyze it
3. Relate it to ourselves
4. Become threatened by their success

A terminally ill cancer stricken atheist, Christopher Hitchens, once wrote a book "God is not Great".... I was infuriated when I saw the title at Target a couple of years back. I got over the anger and prayed that he would change his view one day (cause honestly, God is so FARESSHH). Now that he is sick, some Christians would delight in saying "Good, that's what you get". Others have declared a prayer day for him. Hitchens has no intentions of taking part in the prayer but appreciates the well intentions from those who genuinely care about him possibly recovering.

Those who replied with the "Good..." were threatened by the author. They may have felt that he would be leading many away from salvation or just straight disrespecting God. Those that held the prayer day were probably more grounded in their faith. They knew how Christ reacted to others who were not historically nice to him. They knew how God views all of mankind, not just Christians. 1 John 4: 8 says "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." So we see that God is more prone to reply with a loving response and that is expected of his followers. I don't doubt that these Christians were also a little upset when they heard of the title for the book. They are not compromising their beliefs to accommodate another's view. They just know that God likes good things and not when someone dies (Ezekial 18:32). They also understand that no one is truly a threat to the God they serve.

Does this say that we condone foolishness? No. What it encourages us to do is to extend the same mercy to another as Christ has done for us, even if it is just in thought. Try empathy from time to time. Realize that there are conditions beyond our knowledge that may have contributed to someone's folly. If you were up against the same odds, would you have triumphed? Are you sure? Look at the person for what good they could be. Their current, previous, and possible future mistakes do not annihilate the greatness in them. It may distract it a bit but it doesn't kill it.

Finally, distinguish yourself from others. Be confident in your greatness. "Real recognize real." The closer you are to your "true" greatness is the more you want to see sincere goodness in the world around you. You should know that I don't mean seeing a taker bragging and roaring through town in a ripped off BMW. You should want to see that thief transform his/her life for the good, and maybe even switch the emphasis in his/her "taking" skills to becoming an automotive technician. See how this benefits you? You don't have about that particular "taker" taking your _________________. This should ease any threats you may have had.

Again:
Don't be afraid to be happy for someone ::initially unfavorable::. Don't feel like someone ::unfavorable:: is capable of taking away your shine. Don't break down others to build yourself up. We were all supposed to be stars, just in different capacities...

Considering Questioning God?

Things happen in life beyond our control; good things, bad things-Anything is susceptible to embody the element of surprise in our life. The bad things are most difficult for us to understand. For those of us who have a faith or feel that we are a good person, these hard times not only shake us up in regards to the direct issue but it resonates deeper. We question its logic. Why would something like this happen to someone like us? Being a Christian, I use to hear that it was not "faithful" or good to question God. I've learned otherwise.

I remember when my cousin's son died suddenly at school. To make things worse, no one knew what happened and why his little heart mysteriously stopped working. I remember 'Cuz saying, through sobs, that he knew it was wrong to question God but he simply wonders why. Honestly, I don't remember what my exact response was but I know that I didn't agree with that doctrine. Am I saying it's alright to curse God out? No. Is it alright to act as if God is inferior to our intelligence? I think that would be foolish. I do think that God welcomes any chance to talk to you. No, He's not making bad things happen just so that he can "talk to you". It's not His pleasure for bad things to happen to us. God wants to be a comforter to us. He wants to teach us things and show us life in ways we would never imagine. He wants to be a Father to us. He wants us to love Him and trust Him. With that said, I doubt He minds answering a few questions in your time of need.

As my cousin went on a journey to understand what just happened, by questioning God, he ended up becoming a Christian. Since then, he used his life to impact so many people around him-or at least that's what everyone kept saying at his funeral. Yes, my cousin passed away suddenly this year as well. At first we didn't know what happened. I was angry, not at God, just at the fact that bad things happen. It's easy to say, "God wanted him in heaven" and expect loved ones to just move on. It isn't that easy. It also unnecessary to attempt to shelter God from the hard questions, He's not a politician.

My purpose in this post is to encourage you to share all of your joys, concerns, doubts, fears, frustrations, triumphs and more with God. Test God, ask Him a question. And you don't have to sugar coat it, let Him understand what it is you're going through. Who better to give you a correct or sensible answer, if you wait around to hear it... Questioning God is not doubting Him. I see it as a form of trusting that He may have the answer, even if you can't see how He would have that answer. You don't ask for driving directions from someone you doubt is familiar with the area. You ask someone with the expectation that they know where to send you.

Sometimes God doesn't give us a "2+2=4" answer. Whatever answer you get [from God], rest assured that it will address your question, provide you with peace and give you the grace to make bigger and better things happen because you have divine knowledge from an omniscient God.

"Truth Is" by Fantasia

Fantasia's song "Truth Is" reminisces about a past love that she "shoulda never let go". This reminded me of a past love I had. He was fun and compared to the fellas that has "befriended" me after, he was one of the best.

"Truth is, I never shoulda let you go. Truth is, I wish I were standing in her shoes..."

I caught myself slipping into a "I miss him" slump. Then I remembered why I let him go! I won't go into detail but I usually referred to myself as a restricted-free-agent. I was committed to the relationship but we were not officially in a relationship, so he was not obligated to always being there for me. Do you get it?

I remember talking to a great friend who expressed that she never re-pursues a relationship. Obviously something wasn't working then. If she has grown and he hasn't, then it definitely isn't going to work now. She didn't mention if they both grew but I would reconsider...maybe.

All I know is that I had to flashback to the tears I shed to get over that "I miss you" junk. Sometimes external circumstances hinder a decent relationship. In that case then, take the time to review any possibilities if an opportunity presents itself again. Take heed: Sometimes a second glance is just to show you that you ain't missing out on nothing. If the relationship was shaky enough for you to end it then why are you reigniting it again? Make sure you know what you are starting up, it's not only the good times that come along with the first love. It's also all of his baggage, drama, and anything that made you happy one minute and then miserable the next-maybe.

Truth is, you made me sick :::lmbo::: just joking : /

I Wish Music Were Free

"Wrist on froze, thanks to the stove. Mattress financial, banks never close..."
Fat Joe, 2010- If It Ain't About Money
"I'ma ballaholic, like my money never ending..."
Roscoe Dash, 2009-Show Out

The music business is a business and a rather viable one for many people today, especially if you hit it big in the popular genres. I'm at the point where I would appreciate if music wasn't so money-motivated. Artists are highly encouraged to write/perform the songs that will sell, not write/perform the songs that speaks for the purpose of uplifting their crowd.

I was looking at various artists who have transformed their initial "persona" into a more sexier, seductive performer to boost sales/compensate for other lacking aspects of talent. If you're sexy for the sake of it, then do you. If you're sexy for the money then unfortunately...I won't go any further.

I wish there were more successful/popular artists who would still be as dedicated to their craft if they never made a dime off of it. The kind that would still work on their flow in their free time, perform at local clubs around the city and keep a day job as not to mix monetary motivations with artistic creativity. Mind you, I understand that it takes money to compensate the musicians and back up singers. It takes money to secure a venue and to advertise. It takes money to have a shelter and to provide for family. It takes money to travel and experience new things to provide content to write about. Money is not the enemy in the music industry. It is a vehicle that should be used to enable the goal, not be the primary focus of your album or for making an album. You should be compensated for your value to your audience. Your audience should value you for what you can do for them.

Guess who was the dopest musician in heaven...the devil. Yep. Unfortunately, he got gassed (Cyphah DON'T GET...). He thought he was doper than everything up there, so he was dismissed and has been causing havoc ever since. Ironic that when he was on his A game, he was a highly rated servant. He provided music to help others worship (worship is kind of a big thing up there). When he started wanting the praise for himself, he lost the benefits of his talent. Even though he became leader of the anti-God, he is still so much less than what he should have been. You may gain status by compromising your values, but your artistry will be functioning so much lower than what you are capable of.

For all you artists; music, dance, art, etc; that have talent and love what you do, keep it up. Appreciate the ability to be able to speak directly to another spirit; when your songs sweet talk us into falling in love or your portrait remind us of fond memories. Use it for the good.
As for those who only talk about making money regardless of the illegal means (and not for the purpose of encouraging hustlers to leave the game) or the singers in the video doing butt flexes (you know who I'm talking about): I hope your records start to flop:::righteous hater mode::: or that you start to use your voice for good. Thanks a millie. : )

Am I crazy: Part 1

I had a whole lot on my mind this morning and I was wondering if I should get counseling to sort things out. I went to counseling after I gave birth. I was stressed and figured talking to an unbiased individual would give me a fresh perspective on my issues. (btw, not all stress the result of something bad: eustress). This reminded me of a recurring thought I have on the issue of mental health treatment in urban communities. I have heard various facts, statistics and/or opinions that say blacks, especially black men, and lower income individuals won't seek mental health treatment. This could be because these and other cultures may have stigmas about seeking professional mental health treatment or for the lack of accessibility. 


When I refer to mental health treatment, I am mostly referring to counseling and, if necessary, some form of drug therapy. If you are financially comfortable, you can usually elect to seek therapy where you can sit down one on one and discuss/work through your issues. Sessions can run you around $100, give or take, for an hour. If you have health insurance, you may meet with a counselor for a limited amount of sessions; ten, give or take. The insurers encourage their providers to prescribe drugs for the patient as the first option because it is cost effective for them (as opposed to paying the therapist $100+ a session for how many ever sessions you need). If you don't have health insurance or a comfortable financial situation, you better not have many issues. There are a few institutions that provide counseling on a scale fee (a rate determined by your income). These are usually heavily booked, but thank God for them anyway. Or you would need to have a drug addiction, serious behavioral problem or been the victim of a violent crime to get medical attention. 


I don't think you have to be at the point of suicide to get help. Sometimes, we may just need to take a walk, read a self help book or change something in our daily routine. Ongoing issues like family mis-communications to complex issues such as addictions may be improved if people sought the services of a professional. These people, the good ones, are trained to suggest a better way of accomplishing a healthier state of mental being. Isn't that we want?


Personally, I think churches should be more equipped to address mental health issues, even if it just to pray for the person and refer them to another appropriate institution for ongoing care. I also think our society laughs at people who walk around talking to themselves but maybe if they got the help they needed before, they would have been able to lead a healthy life now. I don't think that this is another person's problem but it is a concern we should all care about. I may not care if you get a promotion on your job but I should care that you are in your right mind! We should demand that mental health resources be available to under-served communities and especially to try other methods before drugs are prescribed (and the patient dismissed).

We affect each other. Timothy Mcveigh, the Oklahoma city bomber, may not have been diagnosed with schizophrenia. Still, don't you think he may have reconsidered his position if he spoke to someone about the action he wanted to take due to his displeasure with the government? What about the Binghampton, NY shooting? He was receiving treatment but stopped and obviously he needed more...


I don't know, guys. Talking to a psychologist will not end all the problems in the world. I just have this notion that if seeking therapy were more accepted, then people would be prone to work on their issues, get the help they need and then be able to remain a healthy part of society. I will update this post when I can present some facts on the issue but share your thoughts and experience with me. Thanks.

How do we safely facilitate the acceptance of the use of mental health professionals? How do we start taking our mental health more serious?

Paul pushing for the purpose...

II Timothy 1:10b-12a

“...through this gospel: Whereunto I am appointed a preacher, and an apostle, and a teacher of the Gentiles. For the which cause I also suffer these things:”

This written by Paul to encourage Timothy, another preacher, in doing the work of God.

Background: Paul's job (in Acts) was to persecute Christians. One day he had an encounter from God, which left him blind for a few days and then healed, reluctantly, by a Christian. Paul knew that he was to bring the gospel of Christ throughout the world. Possibly, Paul wrote more than half of the New Testament.

Paul had such an impact on "preaching" and sharing the message of Christ. Yes, God must have been proud. Paul still suffered. He met so much persecution. God is so good and Paul maintained that. He knew that he had a purpose and something to accomplish. He stuck to his goals regardless of the unjustified and unexpected cruel treatment he regularly received.

I'm saying to you: Stick to your goals, regardless of the discord surrounding it. Sometimes things don't go well because we have no business involved in it in the first place. I know that from experience all too well. Then there are some things that we need to strive to, no matter how hard it seems.

There are Christian missionaries, human rights activists and others who are on the verge of death for their cause. I, on the other hand, want to lose weight but fail because I can't find the time to jump on a treadmill for 20 minutes a day. We need to look at our goals and determine if they are conducive to a healthy lifestyle. One way to find out is to pray and ask God for an answer. You'll get one. Sometimes, we doubt we really heard from God though. So, we have to pay attention to a state of peace, values, and our evaluation of our goals ability to produce a healthy lifestyle.

A healthy lifestyle to me, "Christianly", is following the advice of Jesus and his followers, as outlined in the Bible. Also, which is the end result for a Christian anyway, is the ability for your life to continue to produce life (not only child birth) without dis-ease mentally, physically, or spiritually. (Feel free to ask more in-depth questions).

Take the time out to review your goals and decide how much of a commitment you are willing to extend to it. Then evaluate how much of a commitment is needed to fulfill it. Does your will to and actual need of commitment match up? God is good and he only wants good for you. He isn't throwing down miracles all day, even though he wants us to rely on Him always. We still have to use our human powers on this earth to function and play our part. Find the right balance and roll up your sleeves. There's work cut out for everyone with some sort of purpose. And everyone has a purpose, some of us just don't know it as yet. Even though it may be hard, it'll be worth it. Find support, first in God, then in positive minded people whether it is family or friends or an online support group. Well wishes on your endeavors.

BTW, God still does miracles. We just don’t ask for them as much and correctly (for the right reasons) as we should.

One Love...

One love can lead to many more beautiful things.

Have you ever watched Last Holiday with Queen Latifah? Ok, storyline;

• Regular lady works in department store, where they treat their employees like crap. She bumps her head at work and is diagnosed with a terminal illness and only three weeks to live. Even though she led a simple, unfulfilled life, she kept a possibilities book. This possibilities book was a scrap book of things she would have liked to experience one day, such as going to the Grand Hotel Pupp (pronounced poop, lol), exquisite recipes and wedding photos of her and co-worker/slash secret crush-LL Cool J. Well you can't get all that done in three weeks, so she chose the Grand Hotel Poop, lol. Blah, blah, blah, everyone loves her, she gets in good with the big time chef (can't recall his name but he was fun) and brings good to whomever she comes into contact with. Ends up, she's misdiagnosed so she gets to fulfill another dream of marrying Lady's Love James and opens a restaurant, this is the biggie. Opening the restaurant was so great because she loves cooking.

At first, I just thought she loved food, like me. But she cultivated that love for cooking by appreciating other chefs creations and refining her own skills. This isn't going to be a "do what you love and make it your career" post. Yes, she did end up making her love her livelihood but it was how far her love for cooking took her.

From what I gather, the reason she wanted to go to the Grand Poop was because of her respect for the chef. While there, she dined with dignitaries, engaged in extreme sports and saved a life; half way across the world! Yeah, the Grand Hotel Pupp is in Karlovy Vary, Czech Republic. The big and far Czech!

I went through all of that to show you how important it is to love things and not selfishly. Queen Latifah loved sharing her cooking with others, even when she was on a diet and could only indulge in Lean Cuisine. She still cooked for others and cooked well, and she watched and respected other chefs. 

Loving something, purely, can open up opportunities to more beautiful things. By the way, according to my definition, you can't love something that is bad for you, that's called an addiction.

I don't know all the calculations on how loving something or someone wholeheartedly can bring you more wonderful experiences but I guarantee you it does. Try it and trust me. I bet you can't prove me wrong. : )

Little Red Book

Do you repeat the same offenses? Do you have any sins or bad habits that you resolve never to do again-until you do it again? Me too, I have a load of them. And then after I commit the infraction, I wish I hadn't. What can stop me/us? I am going to try using a temptation book. 

The temptation book should be small enough to carry around with you. Whenever you are about to do something questionable, jot it down into your temptation book first. Write the action, the rewards, the immediate and long term consequences of such an action. Read it out loud. From there, you should be able to weigh in on your temptations' worthiness. Are they worth the consequences? 


Let me know if this has worked for you? I'm just about to try it myself. For now, it will probably be filled with a lot of food temptations. I figure having to stop and write it into my little red book will slow me down in my tracks and shame me before I get to commit the sin.

Window Shopping

The rapper 50 Cent's "Window Shopper" was created as a diss to another rapper. It was meant to be degrading for one's inability to purchase desired luxury items. Window shopping used to be a visual preparation of a shopping list, for the hopeful. For some, window shopping was replaced with instant self gratification.

I recommend bringing back the practice of window shopping for two reasons. The first reason is to reinstate a sense of discipline back into our spending routine. The second reason, which is really the main reason of this post, is to expand our horizons. 

First reason: Debt is huge right now. It is recommended to spend more wisely. Window shopping allows you to keep up to date with your desires while getting a chance to re-examine them. Sometimes, we treat what we want as if we need it. When you give yourself an opportunity to take a second look, then you can determine if you really need the beloved item. 

Examples of window shopping in NYC can be walking on Fifth Avenue and peaking in on the GUCCI and Fendi stores. I want to go down to 57th St, and look in the BMW showroom and check out the ever so lovely 6 series (I love the 6 series-it's so pretty!!!). More than simply materialistic endeavors, window shopping can even be walking into a safer neighborhood and hoping to move your family into a more accommodating home.

Second/Most Important Reason: Again, debt is huge right now. People are cutting back. Not only are people cutting back on their spending they are giving up on their dreams. Without dreams what do we push forward to? Do you want great things or bad things for your life? For the purpose of this post, I will assume that you want good things for your life. We will work off of the equation that life is constantly moving. Things are either progressing or regressing, getting better or worse. Therefore, we need to make a conscious decision to allow things to get better. 


I suggest re-evaluating your dreams. Look at your dreams, are you able to accomplish right now? If so, go ahead and do so. If not, please figure out where and how you can obtain your desires. Then keep looking into it. Let's go back to "the moving your family to a better neighborhood" example. Start walking around that neighborhood. Look up financing information. Start developing a plan to allow your current situation to match the necessary one acquire your desires. 

Soon, that window shopping will turn into a new set of keys in your hand. What are you window shopping for?

A Pacifier: Sex in an Abusive Relationship...

Some may wonder why a person would attach themselves to someone who weakens them. Why stay in an abusive relationship? It's obviously not because one enjoys black eyes or being told that they will never accomplish anything. I think that there are certain elements in the relationship that coos us back into a calmed and complacent state. 

Money can be one such element. I've seen girls stay with their abusive boyfriend because the boyfriend provided a place and other materialistic things for the girl and their children. A previous lack of self esteem may also aid in keeping someone down in a relationship-"I was unhappy/lonely before I met him/her, at least their jealous rants shows me that someone wants me now".


What about sex? I think this is one of the biggest pacifiers. I remember the Eve video, Love is Blind. The girl was getting beat and thrown down but then it flashes to a lovemaking scene that must have occurred at another time. In my opinion, guys are very susceptible to this pacifier as well. I've seen guys reluctantly and continuously blow bookoo bucks on a girl, who was blatantly using them, just because she was very good at performing sexual acts. Btw, there is such a thing as financial-domestic abuse. On the other hand, I've also known of guys forcing girls to have sex because they spend money on them. Of course each example's gender can be switched. 


Sex is not something to be taken lightly. I believe that it is a very bonding and essential part of an intimate romantic relationship. It can speak volumes to a partner, more than gifts or cards, etc, to display some sort of love. I think sex is spiritual, not in a blasphemous way. It just pronounces an intimate love in our souls, more than hearing "I love you" in our ears.

Now, when in an abusive relationship, it is a major manipulation of the abused' mindset. The abused should still have an innate defense mechanism to defend themselves from someone that is harming them. But then, "How could my abuser really harm me, if they are showing me they love me?".  What's worse is when the abuser feels like he/she loves the person by wanting to be sexually intimate regardless of the harsh way they treat their partner. You know what, sex has to be the most natural part of an intimate, romantic  relationship. So it would be more natural to bear more weight on the effects and pleasures of sex than the other elements, including abusive acts, in the relationship.


My plead: Review your relationship. Stop "feeling" love for a second and look at what the relationship has allowed you to produce. Can your partner help you reach your dreams by encouraging you, not only in a discussion or pep talk but in a daily respect of your values and property? Would you be a better person because you knew your partner? Would you have a chance to accomplish more good with your life if you weren't restricted by your partner? If you feel like you're only receiving love in the bedroom and you're fully committed to this person, then you may be pacifying an abusive relationship. We're never supposed to be in an abusive relationship.


Get help. Get couples counseling if you feel that it's not too bad, but unfortunately, it's usually worse than what we'd like to make it. Suggest a separation to your partner. If you see or already know that they are not going to agree to a break (to get the support that you both need) then you definitely need to remove yourself from that person. Married couples may not want to get divorced. I still think that a time of separation can do more to strengthen a potentially salvable relationship than staying in the abuse and hoping for change. Separation can mean sleeping in separate rooms or staying with another family member, while meeting up to go to counseling. It can also mean waiting for the divorce papers to arrive or going to a shelter that helps the abused get on their own two feet. There has to be some break in an abusive relationship though. This allows for a time to really hear from God without other natural influences that might lead us into complacency. This allows us to see our own capabilities, re-develop our strengths, and live life with one less hindrance. Separation allows our partners to decide if they are going to heal. If the relationship is salvable, we are more likely to see a change from a distance than when we stay and wait on broken promises.


I kind of digressed from sex as the pacifier and just discussed abuse in general. I will explore this and update this post later. In the meantime, if you think that your relationship is harming you, get help. You may not be getting slapped everyday but occasional physical violence, verbal assaults, financial and property destruction-anything used to intimidate you to stay in your place in a relationship, is most likely abuse. 

Contact the National Domestic Violence hotline at ndvh.org 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). A local place of worship or police station and some schools should also be able to refer you to appropriate resources. At least talk to someone and be honest. Maybe saying it out loud will clear things up for you. Be safe.

The High Alternative

What's an alternative for substance abuse? Personally the only time I have really ever desired to "get nice" was when I needed to relax, usually to relax from things that weren't going away on their own or a little push by myself. I've never been at Six Flags, on the Nitro, thinking, "I could use some Yak right now". On the other hand, talking to my child's father can be just as hair raising but it would definitely invoke the desire for a drink, maybe some fresh haze. Why?

Btw, I don't smoke : )

It seems the mere potential of being mentally removed from our stressors is worth the potential jail time for possession or embarrassment from vomitting those four Heinekens up. Although we don't intentional mean to, we even choose to endanger another motorist' life when we "get away from it all" and get ready to go home. I'm not trying to say it's stupid to abuse certain substances. I'm saying it's very costly and we should find another way to fulfill the "get nice" desire in a controlled environment.

How do we do that? Sex is a great de-stressor. The only problem is, if you are not in a "controlled" relationship, you can end up more F*&$#! up than you were before. Sex is almost as powerful for bad as it is for good. (Be safe, wrap it up! Not me, not now!) Many pastors that have encouraged the married couples in their congregation to engage in daily intercourse say that the participants end up experiencing a healthier relationship. Exercise is good, not as fun, but it produces similar scientific results (except the belly part-complete opposites, retracts/contracts). 

Meditation and prayer is good. I'm a Christian. I've noticed that when I willingly participated in worship, I felt better. Going to church or reading the Bible just to do God a favor doesn't really do much. If you do it with a hopeful manner of some sort of gain then you will get a lot out of it. Even if I just said things like"God, You're good" it would relieve my mind somehow. For believers, praising God works. For everyone, the power of positive words is real.

I look forward to Nuvo more than saying "positive" things to myself though. It's socially proven that alcohol or other drugs can work in a matter of minutes. I don't know how long it might take to reinforce positive mental images which should strengthen me enough to deal with or overcome my stressors. Lack of motivation accounts for many of choices, especially the good ones. It's similar to having a headache due to a chronic condition. Some people will just take an advil, everyday, ignoring and allowing the condition to persist and cause more damage. Some will go to their doctor and get on a treatment plan to eventually eliminate the condition that was causing the headaches.

Get to the root of the cause and address it as directly as possible along with regular self reaffirmation. Things are not usually stagnant. Nothing really stays the same, they either get better or worse. By addressing our pleasure while overlooking the cause that had us down in the first place, enables the stressor to grow; eventually dulling our sensitivity to pleasure and in turn leading us to increase our short fixes which end up turning into rock-bottoms. 

I know I'm right but what do you think?

Restoring Your Credibilty, When You Just Look Guilty?

I was watching "Firewall" with Harrison Ford, (I think) today at the hairdresser. I say hairdresser to show that I wasn't paying the most attention. The premise should be that a suit and tie, Ford, is forced to rob his bank and wire the money to the mastermind who was holding Ford's character's family hostage. One of the details that made Ford's character a good scapegoat was his gambling debt. The bank that he held a high position at, would believe that he robbed the bank mostly due to his gambling debt as opposed to finding it to be weird behavior for an employee who presumably never stole from them before. 

This just showed me that integrity and character is so important. Two completely isolated incidents complimented one another so well, and not for a good look. This can be likened to a girl being labeled as easy by a date, even if she did not do anything with that date. Due to one past bad decision in a past relationship, the rumors add value, whether true or not, to who she is described as. Maybe this isn't the most eloquent analogy but you get the picture.

My question is, how do you restore your credibility when you may not have had a perfect record in the past? How do you clear your name from things you are not guilty of, but  past indiscretions show motive that match one another?

Nation & World | Study: Sessions on abstinence can be effective | Seattle Times Newspaper

Nation & World | Study: Sessions on abstinence can be effective | Seattle Times Newspaper