What's an alternative for substance abuse? Personally the only time I have really ever desired to "get nice" was when I needed to relax, usually to relax from things that weren't going away on their own or a little push by myself. I've never been at Six Flags, on the Nitro, thinking, "I could use some Yak right now". On the other hand, talking to my child's father can be just as hair raising but it would definitely invoke the desire for a drink, maybe some fresh haze. Why?
Btw, I don't smoke : )
It seems the mere potential of being mentally removed from our stressors is worth the potential jail time for possession or embarrassment from vomitting those four Heinekens up. Although we don't intentional mean to, we even choose to endanger another motorist' life when we "get away from it all" and get ready to go home. I'm not trying to say it's stupid to abuse certain substances. I'm saying it's very costly and we should find another way to fulfill the "get nice" desire in a controlled environment.
How do we do that? Sex is a great de-stressor. The only problem is, if you are not in a "controlled" relationship, you can end up more F*&$#! up than you were before. Sex is almost as powerful for bad as it is for good. (Be safe, wrap it up! Not me, not now!) Many pastors that have encouraged the married couples in their congregation to engage in daily intercourse say that the participants end up experiencing a healthier relationship. Exercise is good, not as fun, but it produces similar scientific results (except the belly part-complete opposites, retracts/contracts).
Meditation and prayer is good. I'm a Christian. I've noticed that when I willingly participated in worship, I felt better. Going to church or reading the Bible just to do God a favor doesn't really do much. If you do it with a hopeful manner of some sort of gain then you will get a lot out of it. Even if I just said things like"God, You're good" it would relieve my mind somehow. For believers, praising God works. For everyone, the power of positive words is real.
I look forward to Nuvo more than saying "positive" things to myself though. It's socially proven that alcohol or other drugs can work in a matter of minutes. I don't know how long it might take to reinforce positive mental images which should strengthen me enough to deal with or overcome my stressors. Lack of motivation accounts for many of choices, especially the good ones. It's similar to having a headache due to a chronic condition. Some people will just take an advil, everyday, ignoring and allowing the condition to persist and cause more damage. Some will go to their doctor and get on a treatment plan to eventually eliminate the condition that was causing the headaches.
Get to the root of the cause and address it as directly as possible along with regular self reaffirmation. Things are not usually stagnant. Nothing really stays the same, they either get better or worse. By addressing our pleasure while overlooking the cause that had us down in the first place, enables the stressor to grow; eventually dulling our sensitivity to pleasure and in turn leading us to increase our short fixes which end up turning into rock-bottoms.
This is something I've thought about over the past couple of years as I've participated in a few self destructive behaviors. Being somewhat self-aware, I recognize that some of the things I do aren't always good for my body, my mind, or my psyche. However, sometimes it's just a matter of being fun to do.
ReplyDeleteI like the pendulum idea. I was Mormon for 40 years and the pendulum on my clock was way to the right. No drink, no smoke, no anything. Be a good boy. A therapist once asked me why I felt the need to be naughty. He was a mormon therapist. I didn't know the answer then, but I think I have a better grasp on the answer now. I think we sometimes tend to push back against those things that restrain us, whether they're self imposed or not. Or is it just me?
So, after leaving the Mormon church, my pendulum went completely the other way. And I've spent the last 4 years participating in those things I couldn't participate in while I was mormon. But for the last 6 months or so, I've been noticing a change coming over me. I think my pendulum has come back down to the center. Do I still participate in a few destructive behaviors? Yes. But not as rigourously! :-) And some of them are losing their "flavor." I'm sure eventually I'll just be normal for me, whatever that is.
I wanted to comment on your sex paragraph. I was once told that sexual addiction is the hardest addiction to overcome, even harder than drugs or alcohol. The therapist (whether he was right or not, I don't know) said that sexual addiction is an addiction of the mind as opposed to drug addiction which requires you to put something in your mouth/arm/nose, whatever. Your fix is always there in your mind if you want it. He also said that all the other drugs/highs were created to imitate the rush that you feel when you're having sex. I've never heard anything to repute this and would love to explore it further if you're interested.
Thanks for the post. I enjoyed reading it.
Matt
Hi Matt,
ReplyDeleteWell I hope you continue to lessen the destructive behaviors, I don't know you, but I am extremely happy for you.
As far as sex, I think your therapist was right on. That's why I said, if it isn't in the right context, it can be very very damaging. If we look at it, that's the only vehicle that produces life-the most precious thing in this universe. It's a very powerful force. Even watching scary movies produces a similar brain reaction as sexual interaction.
I do agree that drugs may have been created to produce a similar feeling. That's why I also said that it is not stupid when someone chooses to abuse because they are just chasing a feeling that we were created to enjoy.
Anyway, I can go on and on forever. Thanks for reading. Keep on getting back to "normal". I'm trying to do so myself.